Looking for my Life
by watermelloncat
Summary: Steve Harrington has never felt like the life he lives belongs to him…


**Author's Note:** Thought I'd break away from my usual sickfics and try writing something else - I found it quite fun to explore outside of my niche.

I started writing this about Steve and the mistakes that he's made, kind of a character development thing. I'm not sure where I'm going with it at the moment, I might start adding in stories with other characters, or write about events from Steve's perspective. Maybe both?

**Would really like to know your guys' thoughts on where to take it. Come on the journey with me...**

Steve Harington's life was one giant error. It was like ever since his first living moment, he was destined to live a life that didn't belong to him. Truthfully, he never felt like he fit in; not in his classes, not in his sport teams, not in his home.

His choice in friends was his first mistake.

Growing up in a rich household in Hawkins meant the rich families stayed together. The unnecessary baby showers, constant dinner parties and lunches, which parents all dragged their children along to; if only to show off how amazing they were. Not that the children noticed the competitive nature of their parents, they were already being encouraged to play together. So, in a way Steve's friends were selected for him.

Sure, as he grew older, he could have ditched Tommy and Carol somewhere in middle school. Except by then he'd already started to screw up.

Together their group was toxic, picking on others for no reason other than the fact they weren't them. And unfortunately for Steve, he was the best at it. He didn't know how, but he always knew what to say or do to make the victim feel their worst. Deep down he knew that he should stop, but it was nice to get the validation from his peers because he certainly wasn't getting it at home.

In high school the fighting started. Having cemented a reputation of a King already, it was his selfish pride that needed to maintain it. Balance that with aggression from an unhappy homelife he couldn't talk about with anyone, and growing testosterone levels, made for an ugly combination.

He never did it to get attention from his parents, he feared the result every time they found out. Countless times he came home late at night, after dark just so they wouldn't see his newly split lip, and leaving late in the morning after his parents had already left for work.

It sort of felt nice to be feared, to feel like he had some kind of power, even if that was just at school.

Then his grades started slipping. People often found it funny how you could ask Steve a random question and he'd know the answer to it, but if you put a standard test in front of him his mind would go blank.

Not that he cared. He didn't have the incentive of Nancy Wheeler to study and excel in classes; his future was already laid out before him. He didn't have the motivation to do well in classes because what was the point in doing that if he wouldn't get any recognition for it? His friends would only tease him for being a nerd and why would he bother about Colleges if his future was already set? But most importantly his parents wouldn't care, they were never around. And even when they were in the house, they had so little presence that they might as well have not have been.

The freedom his parents gave him when they went away was a mistake. Loud parties filled the lonely nights, always with more people showing up than expected. Not that he minded, more company was better in a way, more people to show a good time and fill out the rooms of an empty house. Although he was a complete and total arse to some, he was a good host and he knew that people appreciated that. It was hard to resist his charm so he played to that.

The flocking of girls after him was the next misstep. Even with all the house parties he was still lonely, so who was he to turn down some one on one time with pretty girls?

But that never fixed the problem, he was still lonely. Yet he never looked for a long-term thing because the girls he would attract had entitled, catty personalities. They were never looking for a long-term thing either, they only used him as a prize.

Which is why he found Nancy Wheeler so interesting.

It was beyond him how she had a crush on him while he was still a complete and total asshole. But at the time he didn't care, he was so fascinated that she remained driven even under his best efforts to badly influence her. And it hurts him that perhaps his biggest mistake involved her.

He was completely wrong to think she was cheating on him. Even though he didn't know the story at the time, it was no excuse for what he did to her in response. To this day it makes him feel sick every time he thinks about it and it confuses him how she gave him another chance.

He was selfish after Barb died. When Nancy needed him, he was there but not completely. He was too caught up in the idea of trying to be in a normal relationship. One which wasn't chosen for him, with someone who was genuinely nice, who listened to him and cared about him. Someone who was driven and determined, who didn't care about the family he was from, how much money he had or what he could offer them.

Even so, it hurt beyond belief when she told him she didn't love him. He was completely blindsided, but then again, he was focusing on what the relationship could be and not what it was. It could never be what he thought it could be, wanted it to be.

He guesses that it's his punishment for all the mistakes that he's made.


End file.
